In a world flooded with self-care routines, checklists, and aesthetically pleasing morning rituals on social media, it's easy to feel like you’re doing it wrong if your version of self-care doesn’t resemble the trending template. But as a counselling psychologist, I can assure you: self-care is not a universal prescription—it’s a deeply personal practice.
The Myth of a Perfect Self-Care Routine
Clients often come in saying, “I tried journaling, but it didn’t help,” or “Everyone says to meditate, but I can’t sit still.” There’s an unspoken pressure to engage in “ideal” self-care practices that are glorified online—bubble baths, yoga at sunrise, unplugged weekends. While these activities may work beautifully for some, they can feel like a chore or even cause guilt for others.
Self-care, at its core, is about identifying what helps you feel nourished—emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. It is not about checking off activities, but rather tuning into your internal cues and giving yourself what you actually need.
Listening Inward, Not Outward
From a psychological standpoint, sustainable self-care begins with self-awareness. If you’re an introvert, solitude might recharge you. But for someone more extroverted, quality time with close friends could be the emotional refill they need. For those with anxious tendencies, structure and predictability may soothe, while creative expression may feel grounding for others. The key is to learn the language of your own nervous system.
I often guide clients through a simple framework:
- What makes you feel safe?
- What energises you?
- What brings you peace?
- What drains you—even if it “should” feel good?
The answers to these questions often break the mould of the mainstream narrative. Self-care must be realistic and accessible. It shouldn’t feel like another to-do. In fact, when care feels heavy, it defeats its very purpose.
Creating Your Self-Care Ecosystem
There are different dimensions to care:
- Physical (rest, hydration, movement)
- Emotional (journaling, therapy, venting)
- Social (setting boundaries, connecting with loved ones)
- Spiritual (mindfulness, prayer, reflection)
- Creative (painting, music, daydreaming)
Another layer to consider is culture, background, and daily reality. A working mother may not have the luxury of an hour-long morning routine—but maybe five minutes of silence with her coffee is deeply restorative. A student living in a hostel may not resonate with bath bombs and candles, but calling home or listening to a comfort playlist could do wonders. You don’t have to engage with all of them all the time. What matters is that your version is intentional and supportive of where you are right now.
Self-care isn’t about doing more—it’s about doing what matters more to you. As you evolve, your needs will too. And that’s the beauty of it: your self-care is allowed to change, just like you. So if meditation doesn’t speak to you, but dancing in your room does—go with that. Your well-being doesn’t need a filter or a hashtag. It just needs your attention.
